yesterday was the first of the month and i woke up with that disconcerting realization that the end of the year is staring me down and i still have yet to fulfill the changes i set for myself in january. i made internal promises to become more compassionate, to make more efforts to relate to my friends and empathize with feelings, to shatter all the bottled up emotions and finally let some light in, but i have failed miserably. i overestimated my potential and underestimated the effort.
i have however succeeded in pushing people further, letting go of any motivation to rebuild depth and dimensions in my emotions, and giving way to my apathy, feeding it to the point of turning it into a personal monster.
unfortunate, isnt it? and i thought 2011 was the year i finally crossed off “A Heart” on my yellow brick road ventures. lost cause or not, i have three months left to try.
